Friday, June 18, 2010

Anniversary of Britney getting sick

It has been a year since Britney got sick and I am really having a hard time

today I miss her so much. Having the kids to Tucson is amazing and they

love it here and are adjusting very very well. We are all much happier being

together. We miss Britney so much. On our 8th Wedding anniversary I wrote

a song for her and wanted to post it today. It took me 6 months. Here it is.

"I wish you were the dream that kissed back.

That I could feel your breath on my lips, your touch on my face, see the love

in your eyes.

My Dreams of you are almost real just enough to live another day,

just enough to keep on breathing. Just keep on breathing.

Oh I would give anything… anything Just to hold you again…Just to hold you

again

I love you, I miss you, I need you. I’ll never get you out of my mind.

You’re the girl of my dreams become real and now gone, but I need you like I

need to breathe.

I waited my whole life to find you; lived in heaven when I was with you

Now you’re gone… gone in the blink of an eye; No time to catch my breath

Waking brings pain; dreams sweet peace.

When I close my eyes you come back alive in my arms, each moment

relived.

We dance, you smile, look in my eyes, the brush of your lips on warm on my

face

As you whisper you love me… you love me

I love you, I miss you, I need you. I’ll never get you out of my mind.

You’re the girl of my dreams become real and now gone, but I need you like I

need to breathe.

But I will always belong to you, only to you

I waited my whole life to find you; you were my dream come alive.

Heaven was in your arms, only in your arms.

If only I knew, if only no moment was lost. If I could relive all of then since

the day me met.

Ordinary moments priceless. Nothing would draw me away. Nothing could

draw me away.

Every day I would hold you longer. Cry with you, laugh with you, sing with

you, dance with you.

Everyday I would kiss you again and again. Never in my own thoughts, only

in your arms.

Only in your arms. Only what you need. Only what you need.

I love you, I miss you, I need you. I’ll never get you out of my mind.

You’re the girl of my dreams become real and now gone,

For only a while… For only a while.

I love you, I miss you, I need you. I’ll never get you out of my mind.

You’re the girl of my dreams become real and now gone.

Come back to me I pray to God you come back to me because I need you

like I need to breathe.

I'll breathe you in while I sleep, live every moment for you till I meet you

again.

Heaven is wherever you are, only where you are. Right now heaven is in my

dreams.

But one day one, one day I don't know when, dreams will come real once

again.

Come back to me I pray to God you come back to me. I don't know when. I

don't know when.

I love you, I miss you, I need you. I’ll never get you out of my mind.

You’re the girl of my dreams become real and now gone. I don’t know where.

I don’t know where.

I'll be waiting, living, breathing for you. Only for you.

I belong to you. Only to you.

One day I don't know when, I don't know when. One day I know you, my

dream from heaven will

become real once again. Oh how I wish I knew when. How I wish I knew

when. But I will always

wait. I will always wait. If I wait till I die I know I’ll still find you. I’ll find you

there and I will be whole once again, We will be whole once again.

Wherever you are, wherever you are I love you beautiful. I love you."

5 comments:

  1. My heart goes out to you.. Britney will once again be with you.. together you will raise all of Heavenly Father's sweet spirits who have chosen you two as their parents.... perhaps it will be in another lifetime... the lifetimes of you and Britney when our Older Brother will reign on this Earth once again....I know this year has gone slowly yet speedily as you dream of your true love and the days you have shared.... and hurt so much for the Pain Britney has endured.....Know that God is there for you....as your friends and family are too... You will never be left to walk the path alone.. even tho it my feel like it!!..

    I have looked up your other blog.. the children are growing..than you for keeping it up.... Jan had her retirement party yesterday.. It was good. So many of her friends were there.. she got cards from co-workers and Doctors who had known her a while ago... she got gifts to remember that we honor the service and commitment she has given over the years of her long nursing career. I still and always will think of Nursing as a vocation.... We are born Nurses.... just as you and others are born Doctors....

    I haven't posted in a while but I have read and re read here.. and talked to Jan..now it will be funny without her... oh.. she has a "puppy" fund too that we gave her!!
    Take care...
    Sally

    ReplyDelete
  2. John, my heart goes out to you, Britney, and the kids. Please know that you and your family continue to be lifted up in our prayers.

    It was hard to read your anniversary song through the tears. God bless your love and tender heart for your wife.

    I'm glad the kids are with you now, and hope that being together will help ease the months of pain and loneliness that you have experienced. What a blessing that your families have been so supportive throughout this trial.

    We continue to pray that Britney makes progress and is restored to you and the children.

    Have faith. Stay strong.

    Take care, and God Bless!

    Katherine

    ReplyDelete
  3. JOHN AND KIDS...I JUST LEFT BRITNEY AND SHE WAS VERY CALM AND RELAXED DURING MY HOURS WITH HER. I ,LIKE YOU, CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THIS ALL STARTED 1 YEAR AGO.BRITNEY WAS REALLY LISTENING TO ME TODAY FOR A SHORT TIME,THEN SHE SLEPT. I LOVE BRITNEY AND YOU AND THE KIDS SO MUCH,AND JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT IN THIS ALONE,AND YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY HEART AND PRAYERS. HUGS AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU.

    ReplyDelete
  4. John, I read this post at 3 in the morning one night when I couldn't sleep. I wept and felt your deep love for Britney. It was a sweet moment. Thank you for sharing that. I have now read your post about Britney being in the ICU and I want you to know that we pray for you all. You are in our mind and thoughts often. I love your children. Jonas got up in Primary the other day and told of feeling the holy ghost and I realized what a strong and spiritual person he is. They have a beautiful legacy and good examples of looking to God in all things.
    I'm so glad you and your children are in our ward. You are a blessing and example to us.
    Love, Carol Madsen

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dearest John, I know you wrote this while hurting, so it feels strange to thank you for it. But, this is the first I read it and it made her death real for me. Tears are flowing freely for a dear friend, who I witnessed making your lives brighter because she was there. I'm just so sorry. You guys deserve to relish in all that you built, all that your love built, and it's not possible. I admire you for your attitude of acceptance and continued faith. Not a day goes by that I don't think of Britney, and I too am grateful for the memories.

    ReplyDelete