Thank You

Thank you all for your love and support. Thank you for the anonymous donations, all the cards, food, kind words, help with the kids. I will be shutting down the blog site in a week. Thank you for following along to support us. We are doing better. It's still a huge roller coaster to get through losing Britney but I know she is at peace and is in a place where she can't hurt or suffer anymore.

Just a quick FYI. We will not be having a public viewing, just a private family viewing. The service tomorrow starts at 10:00 am but everyone is welcome to come to look at pictures and a tribute DVD and talk with us starting at 9:15 am.

Funeral Wednesday

Thank you all so so much for all of your comments on the blog, calls, emails, facebook messages/posts with pictures, offers to help. I'm trying to get back to everyone and I will soon. Thank you for all of your love. We are doing better today. We went to the mountians in Britney's favorite spot as a whole family and spent a lot of time there.

We met with the mortuary this morning and the Funeral will be Wednesday at 10:00 am at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints Coal Mine Building. Here's the address
10209 W. Coal Mine Ave
Littleton, CO 80128
After speaking with the Funeral Director she told us the best way to send cards or flowers from out of town would be to have them to the Church. The building will be open at 8:00 am that day.

Many people have asked about helping in lots of different ways or sending cards. Me and the kids are staying at my parents house at 12278 W Tennessee place Lakewood, CO 80228. You can email me at WinklerJ87@yahoo.com any time. I may not get back to you right away but I will.


Also people have asked about the trust fund again. Here's the info we posted last July again.

You can go to any Chase bank. The account is titled for the benefit of Britney. The Acct # is 815195532. Make your donations to John Winkler since Britney was not able to be there in person to set up the account.

Again please don't feel obligated to help in one way or another. We are posting this info because friends and family asked us to. We love all of you and thank you for being such a support during this horrible year we have survived. The greatest miracle in our eyes is who Britney was, how much time we had with her, the love we were given, and the chance to see her again when she has a perfect resurrected body. She is at peace I feel it very strongly and I feel that she knows all of your love and prayers for her and our family. None of it was wasted. The only thing you can take with you when you leave is who you have become, and your relationships. Nothing else matters.

John

Britney passed away peacefully

Britney passed away peacefully this morning. She has been kept comfortable by a wonderfull staff at North Suburban hospital since she got to the ICU there. She had severe septic shock from a UTI and possibly a pneumonia along with aspiration pneumonitis. She had a prolonged period of severe respiratory distress and was in septic shock before she was able to be recussitated at North Suburban. We believe she may have suffered another anoxic insult to her brain before she got the propper care at North Suburban. Our family all agreed she had been through enough. Everyone of her sisters were able to make it before she passed away. We are planning funeral services and will make a date final tomorow. We will post time and location when we know. Thank you all for your increadible support. I know Britney felt your love and I read her a lot of your posts. Your prayers and faith have helped al of us more than you will ever know. She is at peace now. I feel it very very strongly and she is not trapped in a tourtured body any more.
John

Britney in ICU

Britney was found by her nurse hardly breathing this morning. She was blue and had aspirated some vomit into her lungs. She was brought to a near by ER at north suburban and almost immediatley sent to ICU now on a ventilator. She is very septic from pneumonia and a urinary infection. She is on multiple antibiotics and medicine to keep her blood pressure up. We are all flying to Denver in the morning ( no more flights are available from Tucson or Phoenix tonight).

Anniversary of Britney getting sick

It has been a year since Britney got sick and I am really having a hard time

today I miss her so much. Having the kids to Tucson is amazing and they

love it here and are adjusting very very well. We are all much happier being

together. We miss Britney so much. On our 8th Wedding anniversary I wrote

a song for her and wanted to post it today. It took me 6 months. Here it is.

"I wish you were the dream that kissed back.

That I could feel your breath on my lips, your touch on my face, see the love

in your eyes.

My Dreams of you are almost real just enough to live another day,

just enough to keep on breathing. Just keep on breathing.

Oh I would give anything… anything Just to hold you again…Just to hold you

again

I love you, I miss you, I need you. I’ll never get you out of my mind.

You’re the girl of my dreams become real and now gone, but I need you like I

need to breathe.

I waited my whole life to find you; lived in heaven when I was with you

Now you’re gone… gone in the blink of an eye; No time to catch my breath

Waking brings pain; dreams sweet peace.

When I close my eyes you come back alive in my arms, each moment

relived.

We dance, you smile, look in my eyes, the brush of your lips on warm on my

face

As you whisper you love me… you love me

I love you, I miss you, I need you. I’ll never get you out of my mind.

You’re the girl of my dreams become real and now gone, but I need you like I

need to breathe.

But I will always belong to you, only to you

I waited my whole life to find you; you were my dream come alive.

Heaven was in your arms, only in your arms.

If only I knew, if only no moment was lost. If I could relive all of then since

the day me met.

Ordinary moments priceless. Nothing would draw me away. Nothing could

draw me away.

Every day I would hold you longer. Cry with you, laugh with you, sing with

you, dance with you.

Everyday I would kiss you again and again. Never in my own thoughts, only

in your arms.

Only in your arms. Only what you need. Only what you need.

I love you, I miss you, I need you. I’ll never get you out of my mind.

You’re the girl of my dreams become real and now gone,

For only a while… For only a while.

I love you, I miss you, I need you. I’ll never get you out of my mind.

You’re the girl of my dreams become real and now gone.

Come back to me I pray to God you come back to me because I need you

like I need to breathe.

I'll breathe you in while I sleep, live every moment for you till I meet you

again.

Heaven is wherever you are, only where you are. Right now heaven is in my

dreams.

But one day one, one day I don't know when, dreams will come real once

again.

Come back to me I pray to God you come back to me. I don't know when. I

don't know when.

I love you, I miss you, I need you. I’ll never get you out of my mind.

You’re the girl of my dreams become real and now gone. I don’t know where.

I don’t know where.

I'll be waiting, living, breathing for you. Only for you.

I belong to you. Only to you.

One day I don't know when, I don't know when. One day I know you, my

dream from heaven will

become real once again. Oh how I wish I knew when. How I wish I knew

when. But I will always

wait. I will always wait. If I wait till I die I know I’ll still find you. I’ll find you

there and I will be whole once again, We will be whole once again.

Wherever you are, wherever you are I love you beautiful. I love you."

Kids coming to Tucson permanently

At the end of the school year my Mom will come live with me and Jonas, Vera, and Anna until I'm done with residency in 2 years. My mom will fly back and forth to Denver and we will come back to visit Britney at least once a month. Thank you all for your support in Denver and Tucson making our crazy life work so we can still be a close family. We love you all. Anna turned one last week and I put pictures and some videos of her on the family web site. Britney has a pneumonia and a UTI that seem to be getting better. Still no progress on getting her to a nursing home closer to family. She seems comfortable for the most part. We have trained the staff a lot on how to make her comfortable.

Britney Smiled

I was visiting Britney today and asked her to blink three times in a row if she could hear me. She did and I got really excited and told her Dad who missed it and then she smiled at us. We told her nurse and her nurse said she had done the same thing for her earlier today.

Winkler family blog site updated

Hi everyone,
I posted some pictures and videos of the kids on our family web site. I just figured out Britney's password. I'll get more up there soon. www.winklersite.blogspot.com. Thanks for all your comments. We miss all of you.

Britney Moved

Hi everyone,
Britney moved yesterday to Malley skilled nursing and rehab center. It's at 401 Malley Dr
Northglenn, CO 80233. Sorry for the long time between posts. There have not been many changes but Britney seems to be slightly more aware as time progresses. She looks at us when we talk to her a lot of times. She is more peaceful and relaxed the past few months. It is frustrating to not have much progress. That is why we haven't posted anything. Thank you all for asking about her and how she is doing. Your support mean so much, and is very very appreciated. Britney moved last night. Her social security disability and long term care was approved and she was sent to the first facility that accepted her. It is ok but we are trying to find one that is closer and better. There was nothing we could do about it. The places we had looked at before that we liked were full and we didn't have time to find a new place before she had to be moved. In the mean time Britney will need a lot of people to visit her because it is much farther from home and close family won't be able to come as often. Casey and Jana have seen Britney make some improvements recently that are encouraging and will post their stories soon. I didn't want to tell them second hand. Even though progress is slow she is improving. I don't know what her future will be but we thank you for all of your continued support.
John

more aware the last few days

Britney has been more aware the last few days. When her Dad visited her a few days ago she was awake the whole time and he thought he saw a smile a few times when he was talking to her. My mom visited a few days later and was really excited because of the emotion on Britney's face when she was talking to her. She thought she saw a few smiles, and when she told her she had to leave Britney frowned. Even though progress is slow it is still progress. Even though we don't know her prognosis and can't even begin to really guess what it might be, we have strong peaceful feelings whenever we are afraid or doubt she will get better. I don't know what any of it means except to keep moving forward and showing her as much love as possible and giving her as much human contact as possible. Thank you for you continuing support and love.

Merry Christmas

Hello everyone,
Merry Christmas. There haven't been any changes, and not any change in Britney's progress so I haven't put in an update on the blog in a while. Britney is still in a coma with brief periods of awareness where she will blink if we ask if she can here us or when she will look at us. She is more awake. Her progress has been very slow and her neurologist has asked me if he could consult a coma specialist from Cornell. She is six months out and since her progress is slow her doctors are not very hopeful but she is still making progress. We still have a very strong peace that she will come back but her progress is completely unknown at this time. If there are any new updates I promise we will put them on the blog right away.

The best news we have is that the kids finally got to visit Britney on Christmas. They haven't been able to see her for 2 months because Kindred banned visitors under age 18 from November to March because of the H1N1 flu virus. We have asked many people to make an exception but have not been able to get one until Christmas when I ran into the infectuous disease doctor who asked me how the kids were doing. I told him how much they missed Britney and he said since they had their flu shot they could visit her again. Jonas cried and said it was the best Christmas present ever. He has been saving his money so Britney can go to a hospital where they would allow kids to visit. Britney followed us around the room with her eyes. She was very peaceful and relaxed.
We are still going through the process for social security disability and guardianship. We have a court date in January and after that we will hopefully be able to move her to a skilled nursing facility. For now she is still at Kindred in Denver. When she moves we will update the blog right away.
Thank you all for the incredible kindness you have shown our family over the Christmas season. We are overwhelmed at all you do. Thank you. Merry Christmas.
John

Happy Thanksgiving

I got the best Thanksgiving ever. My team told me last minute to go home for the weekend and I was able to spend a few days with Britney and the kids!! I bought one of the last available plane tickets the day before I left. I didn't think I would be able to visit for 3 more weeks with how busy my rotations have been. It was amazing. When I walked into Britney's room She was awake. I asked her if she could hear me to blink her eyes. She did right away. I asked her 4 more times to blink if she could understand me and she did right away each time. I walked around her bed and she followed me with her eyes. She made a sound but didn't move her lips. She was really comfortable. Jonas, Vera, and Anna were a blast. They had so much fun. They have really missed Britney. Because of the H1N1 the aren't allowed to visit Britney for the past 4 weeks. They cry a lot about not being able to see her and missing her. They are very resilient and are still happy. We have a meeting with social security disability tomorrow. Hope and pray it goes well so Britney can continue to get the care she needs. Thank you for all of your comments on the blog and her facebook. I read them to her when I'm able to visit. I am so thankful to all of you for your continued love and support. It means so much to all of us. I was able to meet Elder Scott, an apostle of our church, a few days ago. He was so kind, and was able to give me a blessing. He took time to meet with me even though he was in town visiting his family. He said he will keep Britney's name on the temple prayer roll of the apostles for a long time. I'll never forget it. Britney has a lot of people who are thankful to her for who she is and the amazing mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend she is. It was a very emotional week for many people. Thank you all again.

John

Hi everyone. Just a quick update. There was a little confusion with how I wrote the last post. Unfortunately Britney hasn't talked yet. I said hi to her and she looked at me. She has made sounds but hasn't talked yet. She has been much more responsive though. Her curtains were opened up a few days ago and she opened her eyes and looked all around the room like she was figuring out where she was. When people talk to her she looks at them. Her therapy is going better since she got her baclofen pump.

Britney is waking up more

Hi everyone,
Thanks for your patience between posts. I was able to go to Colorado last week after being up post call and flew home the next day. It was amazing to see Britney, and to be with our kids. Britney woke up when I came in her room and said hi and looked right at me. A few days ago she was stretching her arms and head. She has been more awake and looking at people when they talk to her. She has made some sounds but hasn't said anything yet. She is still at Kindred because we are not able to find a skilled nursing facility that will take her because of insurance issues. We are working with a lawyer to help her qualify for social security disability for nursing home care and to work with our insurance to cover her at Kindred until she can find a skilled nursing place that will accept her. In the mean time she has continued to get great physical therapy and become more responsive the past few weeks. She will be at Kindred until we get this figured out. We will post as soon as she goes to a new hospital with directions for all of you wanting to visit. Thank you for all of your support and prayers and birthday messages for Britney.

Happy Birthday Britney

Britney is 28 today. She was really sleepy this whole last week but has been awake a lot of the morning. I got to tell Her happy birthday and she blinked a lot when I was talking to her. I miss her so bad today. Lots of her friends have been wishing her happy birthday on her facebook account. Vera was sick last night and can't make it to the hospital to tell her mom happy birthday. Jonas is going to come with Casey. We may have to do a cake another day. Even though her recovery is slow she is recovering. Every time I get discouraged I get a really strong peaceful feeling she will make a full recovery, that she wants to come back and will. She isn't suffering in pain anymore because of the baclofen pump which is such a great blessing. A great birthday present to not be in pain, and to be awake to know her family loves her.

I had a great time with Jonas, Vera, and Jessah last weekend. They went back Wednesday morning. Britney is very very comfortable. She has been more sleepy with fentanyl patches for pain after her surgery. I'm not sure if the Baclofen pump is helping her wake up but she has been very relaxed. It is much much better than watching her suffer in pain. She has been lifting her legs off the bed more and more the the last few days and smiled today. I got to tell to her hi on the phone tonight. I really miss her. It was great having the kids here but I miss her really bad. I was really depressed that she hasn't been waking up more since she got her baclofen pump but every time I worry I get a really peaceful feeling like she will come back. I can't describe it but I have always had it everytime I doubt. It's what keeps us all going. Britney's sister Mckenzie got married yesterday and Vera woke her up that morning to tell her it was her day to be a princess. Vera is obsessed with princess movies. She has talked about the wedding non stop for the past two weeks and couldn't stop talking about it tonight. I couldn't make it cause of work. My call schedule got changed around. I will have a hard time getting back to Denver the next 7 weeks because of my hard rotations Trauma and Orthopedics. I get one day off a week and if I get to fly out I can only stay for less than 1 day after being up for 30+ Hours and coming back to work 12 hour days. I have already done 3 weeks like this. After this I will get to go back more. We are trying to have Jonas and Vera come back with someone else in a few weeks so they don't go too long without seeing me. We talk on the web cam a lot and it helps.

very comfortable

Britney has been much more relaxed since she got her pump. They increased her dose 2 days ago. She has much less pain. Her heart rate is much lower and her face looks relaxed and she has been able to sleep much better. Dr. Yager and many of her nurses think that she has progressed a lot since getting the pump and has been a lot more aware. I called a few days ago to have the nurse tell her I love her and she woke up and looked at the phone when she heard my name. Jonas, Vera, and Jessah are coming to Tucson tomorrow for 4 days. I can't wait to see them.

Back at Kindred

Britney did very very well today. She was uncomfortable for a few hours this morning but her pain got under control and she slept most of the day. She came back to Kindred tonight and is breathing very well and has a normal heart rate for the first time in a few weeks. She will be monitored in the ICU at Kindred for a day or two until she gets used to the pump so they are sure the dose she is on is not too much because Baclofen can affect her breathing.

Pump is in

Casey just called and he just finished talking to the NeuroSurgeon who is very happy with the surgery and the pump placement. The catheter that goes in her spine can stay in for a long time and the actual pump lasts for 3 years. It is under the skin in the abdomen, and can be changed out easily. They did extra infection precautions because she is colonized with MRSA and are continuing her antibiotics as a precaution. 30%+ of all people have MRSA in their noses, and it is a common problem for people who have trach's to have their trachea's colonized because of routine trach care by heath care workers who are colonized. It's good they are taking extra precautions. She will stay at Sweedish hospital for 12-23 hours to monitor the function of the pump. After that she may go back to Kindred or stay at Sweedish Rehab floor to be monitored for a few more days after that. Please call the Fosters before you visit so you can be sure to visit the right place. I will put up a post when we know where she will be going. Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers today.
John